New Year, New Me?

As we all rush to find around the last few days of each year trying to closeup loose ends we also cannot help but to be fascinated with the planning out of how the next year will be for us. Before the New Year even be, planning of its arrival is nothing less than extreme. Girls are out shopping for new dresses, shoes, sparkles, champagne, and finally finding the perfect place to celebrate the coming of a new year with all of your close loved ones. But the planning for the new year does not stop there...resolutions are next!

Most of us start the new year with high hopes on  going to the gym everyday, going on a restrictive diet, putting more money in savings, quit doing this or that but does any of it really last? So when each new year begins we can't help but look on our last resolutions and see how miserably we have failed but yet we are all so inclined to wishfully announce a new resolution for the new year!!!

I am not one to think I am any different from everyone else so I realize I have stated many many many new year's resolutions and have not followed through but this year I am hoping to set myself up for success on my resolution. My resolution for 2011 is to really find out who I AM. I come to this resolution based on how this past year has panned out for me. I feel I have been stuck in a hamster cage just spinning my wheels because I can't say I want something if I don't know deep down what it truly means for me to have it. (Does that make any sense to anyone?) This year I was jumping from idea to idea on what I would be when I grew up but it seemed nothing ever stuck. And now I am asking myself why??? Ever since graduating college I feel I have tried to take the safe route to a career...and by safe I mean the career that others see me succeeding in. I know me, and I'm not typically one to take the safe route but more so the road less traveled. For instance, a very dear friend of mine sent me a message at exactly the time I needed to hear it and this is what she said to me, "...you do the things we all dream about doing but don't even think about doing." To me that spoke volumes, I have tried to fit the mold of the norm when in fact that mold does not fit my vision. I don't think I am meant to follow the rules of life-like everyone else because when I start doing that I feel like I am losing every ounce of myself. So for me, this past year has been me trying to wear the shoe that doesn't fit but only doing so because I thought that was what was expected of me. When in reality all that people expect of me is to be exactly who I am; random, clumsy, energetic, shy at times but also the one that can keep everyone laughing. Sadly none of those words I just stated can come close to describing how I have felt in the past year.

The new year always signifies new beginnings for everyone and I am not going to let another year pass without pushing myself to my limits. This year is going to be about me reconnecting my relationship with God as well as finding out who Kimberly really is and what will be will be!

See ya soon in the new year!

~Kimberly

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."
~A. Cohen

My Favorite Time of Year is...

MY BIRTHDAY, which is approaching rather quickly, it's tomorrow!!! It seems like yesterday I was celebrating my 16th birthday and going to haunted houses with all of my friends and dreaming of the day when I would finally get to move away to college and 'be a grown up' that it's kind of strange to   and now it's

In need of becoming someone great!

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Today I was asked the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and I can't help but to hesitate because I don't want to be just one thing. I don't want to stop once I have mastered something. I want to continually evolve into a better employee, person, friend and spouse. I know I cannot be the only person on this earth that wants to have an ever challenging life, and I don't mean in the sense of never being able to pay your bills or eat a hot meal, but having the desire to challenge myself and those around me. I think once you stop challenging yourself what's the point? Or even once people stop challenging you, are they signaling to you that you are the holder of all knowledge? Let me stop right there, when people stop questioning and challenging others it not only inhibits their growth but also the growth of their peers. So in order for us to evolve as a more advanced species we have to ask questions, and people have to be willing to find the answers. Basically I enjoy the challenge that hard work and persistance give me, as should anyone else looking to better themselves. One thing I know for sure is that I want to be the best person that I can be when I grow up.  

Secondly, I want to find my place in this world. (I touched on this in my last blog so I'll keep it short.) I want to enjoy what I do for the rest of my life because what is the point of being unhappy. My motto lately has been to be happy in this life because this is our only life on this earth. So why should I sit in an office day in and day out knowing that I am not using my skills to their full potential. Why am I letting my mind sit idle while punching in numbers and making phone calls? I keep asking myself why other people cannot see my passion and skills? On that note I am going to take a little advice from my mother and take this to the lord and hand it over to him. I have my job by honing my skills and knowledge as well as changed my perspective on my future employer. I am focused on 'becoming a man of value' and not on the success that will come from the happiness of being passionate about my job.   

And lastly, when I grow up I want to live the life I was always meant to live. Do I know what exactly that life is? No, but I do know that I will know when it is right. I take pride in the journey of my life thus far. I've been knocked down a few times, but I'm proud to say that I've always gotten up, and I've always stood taller. Most people thank the people who kept their heads above water entire life, which is very necessary, but I like to thank the people who doubted me, pushed me down and have yanked the rug out from underneath me. Because of them I have found my weaknesses and have been able to turn them into strengths, realized that being at the bottom and looking up is not the worst place to be, and digging deep and finding a means to an end is a much sweeter way to succeed than any hand out that is out there.   

All in all I want to be ME when I grow up.   

~Kim  

 

Which path?

Soo after making a very hard decision to leave a career that I loved (a flight attendant) to go back to school and finish my degree with the hopes of finding a more stable and prosperous job I am at the point where I am asking myself "now what did I get a degree for?" Before I graduated I had this idea in my head that as soon as you actually get your diploma jobs will suddenly become available to you. And not just any job, an amazing job at that! I dreamed I would have the ability to do what I love (not exactly sure what that is yet), have the stability of a great paycheck that just screams "I have a college degree!!" and get to take two-week vacations once a year anywhere in the world that my poor little heart desires.

Well reality has hit! Its been almost 4 months since I graduated and I've got nothin'! I have applied with more companies than I ever imagined would be necessary to actually find a job and the result...two interviews with a pharma company, and one phone interview with a phone company. Really? That's all? I feel like I would be a great asset to any company and employers would just die to have me a part of their team. I have a very diverse and strong background in sales, customer service, management, training, AR, and a little marketing. What more could an employer be looking for? I'm outgoing, well versed, motivated, and ready to work but it seems I am just not what they are looking for. Then what are they looking for? I've read self-help books to help me in my job search, I've re-written my resume I think 15 times in the past 4 months, I've researched every single company that I have applied with before even submitting my application.

So that leads me to where I am now...I have now started questioning my career path. I am a huge believer in things coming along at the right time for a reason. And I'm starting to wonder if nothing has come through for me because I'm not looking in the right places for a job. Maybe being a sales rep for a pharma or medical device company is not the right path for me. Yes, it would be a fantastic job, I would get to interact with different people on a daily basis, I would be helping to get products in the hands of those that need them, I would make my own schedule, and above all I would get to develop who I am in the process while not sitting behind a computer screen 9 hours out of my day!! But again...maybe that's not for me?

So what is my calling? What was I put on this earth to do?

Last weekend I was at the pool laying out and 2 hours later I am helping to teach a child to swim underwater. It was a fantastic feeling to see him succeed and an even better feeling knowing that he trust me enough to actually swim all the way across the pool because I was at the other end cheering him on. After we started cooking dinner my friend Jenny made a comment about how amazing I was teaching that little boy to swim. It didn't really occur to me until the next day that I really do love teaching and coaching others. So the question is do I want to be a teacher? In theory yes I would love to be a teacher (I even got certified to teach Junior High) BUT I don't want to teach to test and I really don't want my pay to depend on my class grades from the state  examinations. I don't think teaching a child how to master a state exam would accurately reflect my teaching abilities. Everyone remembers sitting in certain teachers classrooms where all you did was worksheet after worksheet that modeled questions like ones that you would be tested over at the end of the year. Do you actually remember what was on those worksheets 2, 5, 10 years later? NO! So why teach that way? And why reward that type of teaching? So in a nutshell that is why I'm hesitant about becoming a teacher in the public school system. So what other options are there?

I have my psychology degree because I love learning about the way people think and function and I guess that is why i enjoy teaching so much. I love seeing that spark when someone learns something new. But where else can my enthusiasm for teaching be put to good use? Any suggestions?

So at least I have narrowed it down to what I know I enjoy and am actually good at..now what?

~Kim

"Love, Love"

That is how one of my best friend has described me, that I just "love, love." And i really can't argue with her on that one. It's not just that I love being in love, I mean honestly who doesn't? But I love what love does for everyone. It keeps lovers close, it lets friends know who is there for them, and it makes our world a much nicer place to be.

Love is something that some people spend their entire life searching for and never find it. Or they do find it only to let it go because they aren't sure if it was their "one true love". But that is neither here nor there...just watching people in love is an amazing thing. They become so in sync that anything the world throws at them they can handle, because of love. What other emotion do we have that can bind people together so tightly that nothing can tear them apart? Next time you see a couple that has been married for more than 50 years just watch them, they have made it an entire lifetime together, imagine the memories that they share that has brought them even closer as the years have passed. And most of the time they will tell you that they love their spouse more today than they ever thought possible when they first met. How could someone not want that kind of love? The kind that grows from trust, respect, happiness, set backs, and growth, that's the kind of love worth aspiring to have.

Friendship love is just as meaningful, if not more at times. Friends are the ones that are there for you when the rest of the world walks out. (That's a quote but I'm not sure where it's from). And it's so true, because friends love you for who you are, not for who they want you to be, or who you try to be, but just for being you. For a friend to be a friend for life you don't have to be friends from the diaper stage, what makes a friend for life is a friend that becomes your family. They are the ones who don't ask if they can come over, they just walk in your house (sometimes even when you aren't home), they don't ask if they can stay for dinner, they assume that is an unwritten rule that you are always welcome. Friends for life don't have to ask how you are feeling because they can hear it in your voice exactly what you are feeling. Thats what makes friends so special, they are your biggest cheerleader when you didn't realize anyone was even watching. I'm thankful for all of my friends in my life that are thankful for me to be in their life.

Tangent much? Yes, but it is how i really feel about love, not just romantic love, because i love that i love the people in my life. I love that my life has led me through so many twist and turns to get me exactly where I am and have had the opportunity to meet some of the most amazing people on this earth. 

Till next time,

~Kim